I am not a crook... Part I

It just snowballed, fed by unending optimism of "oh, next week, X is happening then all will be OK." So, groceries were bought by withdrawing cash from cards and the money that was put in the bank went to living - not to the credit I had used to buy business product.

Then, the room on all the credit cards and lines of credit ran out and all the savings were cashed in. I finally took the reigns and did a reality check of just exactly what debt we owed, and the accompanying monthly payments. Something I know I should have done months earlier.

We could live for another month and a bit if I didn't bring anything in, then we would not be able to make mortgage payments. Not a good sign.

This is when my husband asked about the possibility of me going out to get a 'real' job. According to the calculations I made, we would be even *worse* off if I did that; I would have to clear X amount of dollars to just cover all the payments, which was already a nice wage - but going to work also incurred other expenses, so I'd have to earn X + childcare costs + wardrobe upkeep costs + transportation costs + eating out costs in case I could not be as stoic as I wanted with always packing a lunch - and let's face it - we all want a cup of tea every now and then.

The final amount I would have to *clear* was much higher than any job I had ever held, and I'd have to find that job in 4 weeks, around Christmas time, as well as find child care, and get a proper wardrobe and and and...

And so it began...